New Beginnings

Personal 

| Scared? |

        I've just spent the whole day cleaning my new apartment. I'm going to move in soon and yeah things are just starting to hit me. Like really hard. Smack in the face. Like this is really happening.
        The thought of collage just makes me feel so excited but I'm so scared. I'm just trying not to be dramatic over it. Its like when I moved from KL to Kuching when I was 10, I was so excited. But when I got to the first day at my new school where I knew no one, I felt so alone. And I was alone. People there don't speak the same Bahasa Melayu as KL people do. I was so shy and my confidence was down to the ground. I just cried everyday and wanted to go back to Kuala Lumpur so badly.
        But the sun will eventually shine and everything will be okay. Things got better and eventually I found a group of friends that I love and belong to. And I have now decided that I am glad that I did move to Kuching because the people there are just so nice. The town is so incredibly small and everyone knows each other. There are like constant activities each weekend like a run, charity sale, exhibitions that you can take part in. Its all just lots of fun and I honestly don't think that I will be the same if I had not grown up in Kuching. Fun fact! Kuching was once actually the top 10 cities to live in the world! (at least that was what my mother told me)
        Now after all that, I'm moving back to Kuala Lumpur to study. Its a new beginning again a new start. Its like starting all over again back to when I was going into a new school, primary 1, back to when I moved to Kuching. I'm starting so early and not waiting for my SPM results because I've been wanting to do fashion designing my whole life. I don't want to wait anymore.
       New Beginnings. A new start. Its like going on a roller coaster ride that was so exciting and scary. It feels like that ride had just ended and I'm strapping into another roller coaster ride now. This time it's just much bigger with bigger loops and higher heights. Now I'm just preparing myself and checking my seat belts. Its like people are starting to move on. My friends from Kuching have their own thing now. Its like they are hanging out and yeah I'm usually there but I'm not. Its like we have this group chat thing and I'm in it, but I have no idea what they are talking about because well I'm not there.
     I guess things like this happen and its just time to move on. I'm going to start collage soon and soon enough my usual group of friends will grow apart. Just lots of mixed emotions because I'm not great with starting again. Its probably because I'm going to leave behind so many things I had held on to for so long and had so many great memories with.
     But yeah I'm telling myself that this time it will be different and I'm going to be fine. I'm older now and things are going to different. Everyone goes through this all the time and I'm just one of them. And in the end everything will be okay again.
      Listen to "Stuck in the Middle" by Boys like Girls. Its like spot on. Hope everyone has a great holiday. A new year is ahead. Lets all look forward to it.

Love,
Rachel Khloe Phan