Its really happening?

Personal

|Telling you that I'm nervous is a total understatement|

       Hi. I'm just going to ramble right now. I am trying to distract myself because I am feeling so. freaking. nervous. right. now.

       College starts tomorrow (no I'm not that kind of girl who will be smart enough to count the hours, minutes and seconds to an event). I am watching gossip girl and watching YouTube video's that are just distracting me in the mean time. *breathes in and out*.

       Everyone keeps telling me that everything is going to be fine and okay. I know that honestly but doubts just keep getting the best of me. I'm just going to be like this and listen to Sam Smith and Taylor Swift until this is all over. I have a full day of classes tomorrow from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. with breaks in between. I have fashion marketing and textiles and color collision thing tomorrow. I am super nervous but am excited as well.

      I can literally shake and have butterflies in my tummy right now if I even think about it. I'm just going to send my prayers up to God right now, hoping that everything is going to be okay. That I am going to get through this and that I made the right decision. Because this course is not exactly cheap and for my parents to support me is a total blessing. I just really don't want to disappoint them and let down the people I love. And to want to do this my whole life to finally starting to do it is amazing but a whole lot of pressure. Its just that I'm afraid that this will be the wrong direction that I will be taking in life. To not do well in this is my worst fear. Because then, I have no plans at all. 

       And you know what? I know I can do this, and I know that if I really really put my mind to this I'm going to make it. With confidence and determination that I have been holding for so long now, I can do this. I just have to remember that there are lots of people that I need to prove wrong and keep dreaming because in the end I will succeed. Okay Rachel, put the bad evil, unworthy thoughts of yours aside now. I am going to make it.

      If any of this ramble relates to you guys, I just want you to know that I'm in this fight with you. Please go pursue what makes you happy. Go and start that adventure in your life that will have high highs, low lows and just really good times. Lets fall and freaking get up again. I'm fighting for what I believe in and what will make me happy. Are you with me? 

Listen to "Change" by Taylor Swift. It will give you that extra BOM BOM. Lets go.

Love,

Rachel Khloe Phan