Clean

Personal

| So different |

     Heyyyyy. I've been pretty busy for the past few days. Mainly because my parents and I are busy moving into the apartment we had rented. I don't have clothes to blog about because I literally look like a sloth sweaty and dirty.
    Coming back to an empty place you are going to call home is so weird. I'm just kind of use to my old home where I climb up my stairs to my room, dump my bag and just laze on my couch and be on my phone for hours. Now, its like empty place, hard stools, smell of cemented floors, new bathroom, different fridge, smaller kitchen. Its like I've left behind so many things I never thought I would miss.
    And I guess it isn't a bad thing. Its good that we are getting new stuff and living in such a different environment. Like I said, I'm just kind of bad at starting again. The place is coming together and soon when some of my old furniture arrives, it will start to feel like a home and not just a house, or in my case an apartment. And it's not just this apartment but what I'm about to study. Its nothing like what I use to do. Its no more science, no more chemicals, no more experiments, no more anything like I had dreaded to do. And I use to be so excited to start and still am. But when its near and coming, you're just like this is really happening. I just kind of get really overwhelmed.
     I'm sorry you guys have to hear me talk about starting again, and new beginnings and stuff like that. But if you really want to know what is going on in my head, its all of this. Sometimes I don't really even know what I'm feeling or whats in my head until I write it out like now. So thank you. I don't know if any of you have felt this way about moving and starting again but if you did or do, I'm with you sista.

Love,
Rachel Khloe Phan
           

New Beginnings

Personal 

| Scared? |

        I've just spent the whole day cleaning my new apartment. I'm going to move in soon and yeah things are just starting to hit me. Like really hard. Smack in the face. Like this is really happening.
        The thought of collage just makes me feel so excited but I'm so scared. I'm just trying not to be dramatic over it. Its like when I moved from KL to Kuching when I was 10, I was so excited. But when I got to the first day at my new school where I knew no one, I felt so alone. And I was alone. People there don't speak the same Bahasa Melayu as KL people do. I was so shy and my confidence was down to the ground. I just cried everyday and wanted to go back to Kuala Lumpur so badly.
        But the sun will eventually shine and everything will be okay. Things got better and eventually I found a group of friends that I love and belong to. And I have now decided that I am glad that I did move to Kuching because the people there are just so nice. The town is so incredibly small and everyone knows each other. There are like constant activities each weekend like a run, charity sale, exhibitions that you can take part in. Its all just lots of fun and I honestly don't think that I will be the same if I had not grown up in Kuching. Fun fact! Kuching was once actually the top 10 cities to live in the world! (at least that was what my mother told me)
        Now after all that, I'm moving back to Kuala Lumpur to study. Its a new beginning again a new start. Its like starting all over again back to when I was going into a new school, primary 1, back to when I moved to Kuching. I'm starting so early and not waiting for my SPM results because I've been wanting to do fashion designing my whole life. I don't want to wait anymore.
       New Beginnings. A new start. Its like going on a roller coaster ride that was so exciting and scary. It feels like that ride had just ended and I'm strapping into another roller coaster ride now. This time it's just much bigger with bigger loops and higher heights. Now I'm just preparing myself and checking my seat belts. Its like people are starting to move on. My friends from Kuching have their own thing now. Its like they are hanging out and yeah I'm usually there but I'm not. Its like we have this group chat thing and I'm in it, but I have no idea what they are talking about because well I'm not there.
     I guess things like this happen and its just time to move on. I'm going to start collage soon and soon enough my usual group of friends will grow apart. Just lots of mixed emotions because I'm not great with starting again. Its probably because I'm going to leave behind so many things I had held on to for so long and had so many great memories with.
     But yeah I'm telling myself that this time it will be different and I'm going to be fine. I'm older now and things are going to different. Everyone goes through this all the time and I'm just one of them. And in the end everything will be okay again.
      Listen to "Stuck in the Middle" by Boys like Girls. Its like spot on. Hope everyone has a great holiday. A new year is ahead. Lets all look forward to it.

Love,
Rachel Khloe Phan

Christmas 2014

Fashion

| Merry Christmas! |

| Dress- Botique | Earings- China | Bracelets - Butterfly- Botique in Bali,  Silver-Pandora | Shoes- Joy & Peace |

          Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerry Christmas!!!!! I hope everyone had a greaaat Christmas with your family and friends. Christmas has always been one of my favorite holidays, but honestly this year I really didn't feel like it was really Christmas. I think its because my Christmas tree in my grandma's house (where I'm temporarily living) is the size of a mineral water bottle.  Nonetheless, I had a great time with my family. We had superb food that filled my stomach till it looked like a balloon (not even joking).
          Some of my family members came back and it was a nice feeling having them around. I'm grateful for all the experiences that has happened, good and bad. Without the bad experiences, we would not be the same person we are now. 2014 was just a very strange year. There were like crazy emotions. I can just go into really deep thought if i get into that topic, but lets just save it for the New Year's post.
          Had a really really good Japanese lunch at a really good hotel (where this pictures were taken). I'm so sorry that the clothes I was wearing (in the pictures) cannot be found in most retail stores. I just had saved this dress and was already planning on wearing it. Hope you guys can just find some fashion inspiration. I wore this beautiful laced dress that is so incredibly comfortable (though it may not look like it) due to its soft lining inside. These shoes are actually my mom's because honestly I don't own many heels (ha ha). The earrings was actually my Christmas present my grandmother had gave. She bought it when she traveled to China. She said when she said it reminded her of me when she saw it. The butterfly bracelet I had bought when I was is Bali. The shop I had bought this bracelet from was literally right next to the road. It was a cute little shop and I just really loved it. I kind of have a thing for butterflies. And the other bracelet is just my usual Pandora bracelet I wear all the time. I went to do a pedicure with my friend Emelia and I did Christmas colours!! Sadly it didn't match what I wore but I don't care I still love it.
        Hope you all have a wonderful holiday with your family and friends. I'm taking this time to just reflect on everything that had happened this year and just be grateful and happy.

Love,
Rachel Khloe Phan